Four Minutes
by CarlaPeterLove
Summary: "I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now."
1. 365 Days

" _The person you have called is unavailable, please leave a message and try again."_

Oh... Hi... It's me.

Carla.

I know this is rather out of the blue and you probably weren't expecting this but I just...

I dunno… I guess I just had to speak to you.

Wow...

I erm… really wish you had answered the phone.

I wish I didn't have to leave this message because I really wanted to hear your voice.

I knew that today was going to be difficult, I just didn't know quite how much.

The minute I woke up I burst into tears, I wanted to stay at home, under the covers and wait until this unimaginable day was over but… Well I don't even have a home right now to be honest.

I'm actually staying at Roy's... It's weird... really weird actually. I mean don't get me wrong, Roy's lovely and he takes good care of me but I feel so out of place amongst him and Haley's things. I miss her so much but being here… well it's almost like being in her presence I suppose.

The thing is, it's so cosy and welcoming here and somehow I still feel so isolated.

I still don't understand what happened... I'm so sure I blew that candle out... So sure.

I don't know if anyone told you, maybe Simon has I... I... just don't know but there was a fire, it were all my fault and now... Well now everybody pretty much hates me for it. People have died, lives have been ruined and once again, it's all because of me.

I'm not asking anyone to feel sorry for me, y'know I hate all that, I've been getting used to receiving all the dirty looks again and hearing all those whispers behind me back. It's just today...

Today came so quickly and I don't know how I'm going to get through it.

I wanted to phone you because even after everything… you're the only person who really understands what I'm going through.

How can it have been a year? How can it have been that long when the pain still feels just as excruciating as it did back then?

It's funny because you assume that the people closest to you would remember, that they would remember the anniversaries of your darkest days, but they don't.

Life goes on for them I guess.

Chelle n Steve got married last week, She's so blissfully happy that I didn't want to spoil it for her by mentioning anything. I could tell that she thought something was wrong with me earlier but I just brushed it off and acted like everything was fine... Like I always do.

Roy knows something is up too, he made me some breakfast and I tried to eat it but the lump in my throat just got in the way.

He's actually gone out with this woman called Cathy and I'm really glad that's he's got a new friend... so I didn't say anything to him either... I know he'd cancel on her to be with me and it wouldn't be fair on him, not after everything he's been through.

I've caused enough pain and heartache as it is.

I know that you would have remembered though... I mean… I really hope that you have.

Maybe you haven't.

Maybe it's just me who knows that it was a year ago today, who knows the exact hour, the exact minute that it happened.

Maybe I shouldn't be leaving you this message and maybe I should just hang up but I really feel like the only things that will get me through this ordeal, is to talk to you or... to drink my way through it.

I hope you can understand that I really didn't want to do that second thing I mentioned.

I'm scared...

Scared because if I start drinking heavily, I'm not sure I'll be able to stop this time... Not without you here to help me.

I've been thinking about everything a lot and I really want you to know that I don't blame you for what happened… Not anymore.

I was _so_ angry and _so_ upset with you, that I didn't take into account your feelings and it hadn't occurred to me that _you'd_ lost a baby girl too.

I can't help but wonder what she'd look like. I bet she'd have your eyes... so brown and beautiful that I could get lost in them for hours. She'd probably have both of our dark hair and I bet it would be all cute n curly just like mine was at that age.

I bet she would have been a right little Daddy's girl, you would have let her get away with absolute murder and I would ave been completely powerless to stop it.

I know I said a lot of nasty things before... about us being parents but I _know_ we would have been really good ones. I know that because I've seen you with Simon and I know that you could have taught me so much about how to be a good Mum.

I know how you always used to say that you wished you had of been with Simon when he was a baby. You'd get sad because you missed all on all that stuff with him... You missed his first words, his first steps, his first everything but when I found out about our baby I told myself that you would at least be able to be there for this one.

It would have been hard, it would have been almost impossible at times but I really think you and me could have made it work... I just wish we could ave had the chance.

I wish it hadn't of ended up this way.

I thought... I thought if I hear your voice... I'd be fine.

It's just getting harder for me to pretend it's okay... To pretend like I don't miss you.

How long do we get on these voicemail things? I think it's about four minutes or so… I guess I better go then really.

Look… I hope I'm not intruding your life and that you're getting through this day much better than I am, because I wouldn't wish how I'm feeling right now on anyone, especially not you but… if you need me as much as I really need you.

Call me back.

Please Peter, call me back.


	2. One More Time

_"This is Carla Connor, I can't come to the phone right now so leave a message and I'll get back to you later."_

Carla... It's Me… Peter…

… Sorry, I'm just finding it hard to get my head around this.

I was on the train and the absolute last thing I was expecting when I got off was to find that ten minutes ago, you'd left me a message.

Ten minutes...

Ten minutes ago, I could have been speaking to you but instead I was stuck in a tunnel, with no signal and no idea that you needed me so.

I wonder why you haven't answered… Maybe it's because you've realised that you don't want to talk to me anymore or maybe it's just because you are busy.

I really hope it's the latter and I thought I should leave you a message anyway because I do have some stuff that I want to say to you...

First of all, you are in no way intruding my life... I do and will always need you.

Second of all...

Of course I remembered.

How could I not have?

I wanted to speak to you the moment I opened my eyes this morning, I barley even made it into work.

I went to call you so many times but I just couldn't press that green button on my screen. I thought that I would probably be interrupting _your_ life… so I typed out this long text message for you instead and I just haven't been brave enough to press send yet.

I know that my mind was messed up back then and I know that I was drinking a lot but I can honestly remember the whole thing like it was yesterday.

The memory of it all still haunts me.

I lie awake at night and I can still see every tear that fell down your cheek.

The sound of your scream echoes around my dark and lonely bedroom.

The image of your body hitting the ground from being in so much pain will never ever leave me Carla.

It really doesn't feel like a year does it?

It's funny... I always imagined that she would have your stunning green eyes, in fact I always imagined our little girl to look just like you, which of course would mean that she would be the most beautiful thing in this world.

I would have spoiled her rotten, you're not wrong there but don't tell me that you wouldn't ave as well... I could imagine all the little outfits that you would buy for her and we probably would have had to move out of that pokey old flat just to make the space for you two's clothes.

You would have been an amazing Mum Carla and you know what...

You still can be.

As much as it kills me, I know you'll meet somebody new, I mean look at you... and maybe you two will have kids someday.

The thought of you being with another man torments me but it's a heavy price that I have to pay for what I've done.

Wow...

When I think about the future we could have had... The plans we had made and the things that we wanted to do together...

I wish I'd never been so stupid, I wish we could of...

I'm sorry, I know I must sound ridiculous right now, I'm actually on me way home and people are staring at me, they must be thinking I'm a right idiot.

I'm stood in the middle of the street in tears for god's sake.

Simon did tell me about the fire but he didn't tell me about the candle part... I just assumed it was something else but whatever happened it sounds like it was an accident and I know that you would never ever want to hurt anyone on purpose.

That's just not you Carla and don't let people make you think otherwise.

You are such a good person and you do not deserve any of the awful things that have happened to you.

I really have no idea how people can hate you.

You're literally the strongest person I know and even though I'm miles away I feel like we still have this amazing connection.

Do you feel the same way?

Either way, I'm so glad you called me instead of hitting the bottle… I don't like the idea of you going back to that place. I really hope you don't think I'm being too hypocritical here but... Carla please don't try to drink this feeling away, It'll still be there when you wake up and the only thing you will want to do is drink to make it go away again.

It becomes a vicious circle doesn't it and I know that you're much stronger than that.

I'm also glad you've got Roy, it sounds as if he's taking care of you and I know that you don't want to but I think you should tell him about what today means to you... What it means to us, because I hate that you are feeling so alone and it would be little more comforting to know that you had at least spoke to someone.

I hate that I'm not there to be with you, to hold you, to protect you and to keep you safe but I'm not naive... I'm well aware that it's my fault that I'm not by your side.

I know full well that the reason you are hurting so, is mainly due to situations that were caused by me but… I need you to know that I'm still crazy in love with you and that's never going to change, no matter how long we have been apart.

I still can't believe you phoned me…

Carla… the sound of your voice sent actual shivers down my spine.

It's as if I could hear the pain that you are going through right now and it's actually broken my heart.

I failed you as a husband, I failed you as a best friend and I failed at the bookies and I've pretty much failed as a father but I am not going to fail at trying to make you feel better.

I would love to talk to you in person… but I understand if that can't be.

I know I'm all the way in Portsmouth but I would go absolutely anywhere if it meant I could see you again, if it meant I could wrap my arms around you and hold you close.

I guess I better go because I think you were right, it is four minutes that you get on a voicemail…

Four flamin minutes, Who's idea was that eh?

I mean how am I supposed to say everything I need to say to you in just four minutes?

I wish I could explain the way I feel right now but I know that time is running out.

I desperately want you to call me back when you get this.

I need to hear that you are okay.

I need to hear your voice again…

Even if it's just one more time.

Bye Carla.


	3. Pretend

_"The person you have called is unavailable, please leave a message and try again"_

Great I got your message tone again...

Typical.

It's Carla…

I'm sorry missed your call last night Peter, I really am.

I were talking to Roy, He came back early. He said it was because Cathy only had time for one drink but I know why he came back... he was worried about me.

I ended up telling him about... You know, what day it was yesterday.

I could tell that he felt so guilty for not remembering about the baby and it made me feel really bad.

A sweet guy like Roy shouldn't have to be feeling guilty about stuff like that and I almost wish that I hadn't of told him but… Well you know Roy... He's special. He knows about loss... He knows better than anyone really and you were right, talking to him did help.

He really gave me some comfort. We talked for hours and when I finally checked my phone and I saw that you had left me a message, I couldn't actually believe that you had called me back and I missed it.

At first I didn't listen to it, I was nervous about what you were going to say to me...

I don't know why because you were absolutely wonderful.

I must have listened to your words about a hundred times and when I went to ring you back it was like eleven thirty and I wasn't sure if I should call you back.

I mean you were probably asleep right?

I actually slept last night... Not as good as I used to when I was with y... well anyway it were still a better night sleep than I have been getting recently so that's something.

I don't know if you can tell but I'm feeling slightly better today. I think it was hearing your voice that did it.

I dunno... I just didn't wake up feeling so alone this morning and I didn't quite dread leaving the house and seeing people.

I'm actually sat in the cafe and Roy is making me some lunch. He keeps looking over at me, I think he wonders who I'm talking to.

I wonder what he'd say if I said it was you…

Thank you, for leaving me that message last night Peter.

The things that you said to me, made me feel... loved and I haven't felt that way in a very long time.

What you said about me meeting somebody new it was... weird, I don't see myself meeting anyone new, not ever.

Have you met someone new? I bet you've caught a lot of women's eye... I wouldn't blame em really.

Anyway I saw Michelle this morning, we had a chat too and I told her that I called you. She were surprised but she didn't judge me, She knows the ridiculous effect that you have on me Peter. She knows I don't have to pretend with you that I can be myself and that I somehow, always end up telling you the truth.

How do you do that to me?

Chelle even said that I was a little more like myself this morning, which is good I guess. She suggested that maybe I should get away and stay with Susie in L.A for a bit. I had been thinking about it but I think it would be a bit unfair for me to go right now.

Not after the mess I've made.

I mean, Zeedan and Alya are orphans because of me.

Sorry, Alya and Zeedan are Kal's kids.

Alya actually works in the factory actually. It's a shame because when she first started we used to get on really well, She used to act as if she was a little scared of me but she is really good at her job and shows a lot of promise... Well she did... She barley speaks to me now and it makes work even more unbearable that it already is.

Maybe I should just go away for a while but I can imagine what everybody would say about me…

They'd call me a coward for leaving.

So then I'd be a coward and a murderer.

Wow, I don't think I'd be able to come back to be honest.

Not that anyone would care.

I doubt anyone would miss me.

You said in your message that you wanted to know if I was okay… well I'm not... okay, but I'm a little bit better than I was yesterday and that is because of you I suppose.

I'm made of strong stuff Peter, so I really don't want you to worry about me.

How are you though? I hope your okay at least.

Sometimes I ask your Dad about you… well I used to.

I haven't in a while, not since the fire. I've been finding it hard to face him, especially when Tracy is around.

But the last time I had asked, your Dad said that you're working in a bookies with a mate, that you're living in a really nice flat and that you're happy.

That's good I guess...

Wait, I don't mean it like that.

How selfish do I sound right now?

It's just… you seemed to have moved on so easily, so peacefully and I sometimes feel like I'm drowning in a sea of me own misery.

I hope it doesn't sound like I want you to feel the same way Peter, of course I want you to be happy, It's just…

Maybe if you weren't so happy, maybe if you weren't so settled in Portsmouth then… maybe I wouldn't feel so guilty for calling you last night and for calling you now and asking you to…

No.

What am I doing?

I can't ask you to come all the way down ere can I?

I mean it's not as if you can just take time off work like that... Is it?

I couldn't ask you to do that, could I?

I might pretend like I don't care and I might pretend like I'm over you but... You know how it is, sometimes its easier to pretend than to admit the truth.

Peter the truth is I...

Oh

Hi Leanne...

…

...

...

...

You know what I...

I can't do this Peter.

This is wrong.

Leanne's right.

God, I am so selfish.

You've moved on.

I should go, just know that once upon a time you made me happier than I've ever been and you were everything that I ever needed so I will never ever regret being with you.

I'm so grateful for your comforting message last night and I...

I'll be fine, just get on with your life, and just pretend none of this ever happened.

Pretend that I never called you last night.


	4. Sure

_"This is Carla Connor, I can't come to the phone right now so leave a message and I'll get back to you later."_

Hey... it's Peter.

I've called you so many times tonight and each time it went straight to voicemail.

Either your phone is off or you're ignoring my calls.

I'm guessing that you're more than likely ignoring my calls.

I'm guessing that whatever Leanne said to you earlier has caused you to feel like you shouldn't be talking to me.

I'm at work right now and when I saw I missed another call from you, I actually threw my phone across the room…

I'm not joking, it's in for repair as I speak and I'm currently using a replacement phone that looks like it comes straight out of the nineties.

I have listened to your message so many times Carla, I listened to it so many times because it was so good to hear that you sounded a little bit better.

Your voice was just that tiny little bit brighter but you sounded a lot more like the Carla I used to know... well you did before Leanne came over that is.

Carla what on earth did she say to you?

I couldn't hear much but I heard my name mentioned and then when you came back to the phone... I heard the sudden change in the tone of your voice, I could almost hear the sound of all of that hurt and all that misery come rushing back to you.

Simon says that losing Kal has really taken it's toll on Leanne, so I really don't think that you should take anything she says seriously, She's clearly not thinking straight.

I'm sorry but I just can't pretend that you never phoned me, I can't pretend that I didn't hear all of the things you said. I can't pretend and I won't to be honest.

Carla... I only moved on because that's what I thought you were doing, I thought you would be all right... I mean when I left the street you seemed so sure, you seemed like me leaving was what you really wanted.

If I'd ave known that you were going to go through all of this, If I'd ave known you were going to be feeling so down... Carla I would have been there in seconds.

You said I made you feel a little bit better... Well that's not good enough is it? I want to make you feel completely better.

You also said that I made you feel loved...

Carla that is all I've ever wanted to do, even when I was with Leanne, deep down inside that's all I ever wanted…to make you feel loved.

Do you wanna know what my favourite thing about your message was though… I am so glad you said that despite everything… you didn't regret being with me.

Hearing that was so bittersweet, I'm proud that at one point I made you so happy and on the other hand I am so ashamed for being the one who broke your sweet and delicate heart.

I was such an idiot.

Well... Idiot doesn't even cover it, I mean there are no words to describe just how incredibly stupid I was.

I let my ridiculous ego get in the way of the most precious thing in the world…

You.

I should ave worshipped the ground you walked on Carla, That's what I should ave done, that's what you deserved.

I haven't met anyone new, Of course I haven't. How could I even begin to find someone to follow your footsteps?

I am still your husband Carla and it's my duty to look after you.

Some people may say that I lost the right when I cheated on you but I think that's what makes it even more important…

That I'm the one who helps you heal.

As I said before Carla, I still love you and I still want to talk to you in person.

Before Leanne interrupted you…it almost sounded like you wanted to talk face to face too.

I can take time off.

I can pretty much do what ever I want down ere.

I could be on the way to Weatherfield tonight...

I could come.

I mean, I really want to.

But Carla… I need to know that you aren't going to change your mind about this.

I need to know that _you're_ sure that this is something that you really want.

I don't want to get back to Manchester and then end up arguing with you.

Carla the last thing I definitely want to do is to make you even more upset.

I know this all sounds odd but I really ave to question myself these days…

I mean when I left prison, I was so sure that everything would go back to normal, that people would eventually be okay with me and that I'd be able to talk you round.

I was sure that it would be rough at first but that we'd get back together in the end… I was so sure.

Things didn't quite go to plan there did it?

Maybe I was just stupid or maybe I was naive, either way that's what makes me need to be sure that you will be all right with me coming to see you.

Though to be honest if you don't get back to me about this…

I might just come anyway.

Just for me own peace of mind.

Don't worry. I won't be expecting a big reconciliation between us.

I'm not even expecting you to talk to me… not if you don't want to.

I just want to be a shoulder for you to cry on.

I can't promise to solve all your problems but I can promise that you don't have to face them alone.

Get back to me soon Carla.

Please.

I know I said the last time that I only needed to hear your voice for just one more time but I lied…

You don't know just how much I need you,

I need to see you, to feel you, to breathe your air.

I really can't get the things you said to me out of my head.

Just hearing your voice… Nah it's never going to be enough Carla.

It's too late for me to pretend.


	5. If You Were Here

_"The person you have called is unavailable, please leave a message and try again"_

Peter…

It's Michelle.

How are ya? I hope you're doing well and... y'know what...

I can't do the whole small talk thing.

I might as well cut to the chase to be honest.

I know it's late and I shouldn't really be phoning you but I just don't know what to do...

It's Carla.

I mean obviously it's Carla why else would I be phoning you!

Okay...

I need to calm down it's just I really don't know what to do anymore.

The poor thing is having such a hard time right now.

She told me she phoned you. That she left you a message and you left her a really heart warming one back. She also told me that you had made her feel like everything wasn't so bad after all but then there was Maddie's funeral...

Carla was shunned from it, which I thought was so unfair because she really liked Maddie, She took a chance on her and gave her job and I know they really got on.

We held this sort of memorial thing at the Rover's for Maddie n Kal last night and Roy told her not to go but you know Carla, She's so stubborn sometimes and anyways she turned up to it...

Long story short, Sophie went ballistic and ended up screaming and shouting at Carla in front of the whole pub.

I don't know how much she has told you about the fire but the rumour going round, which your delightful sister started by the way, is that Carla was drunk and passed out with a candle burning.

Peter, I know Carla like the back of my hand...

I know that when she tells me she wasn't drunk and that she blew out that candle, I know that she's telling the truth. She was looking after Amy and she would never be so irresponsible to drink heavily whilst having her around.

I've tried talking to people, to explain that Carla's not like that but they just won't have any of it.

Y'know what it's like up ere, people need someone to blame and thanks to the likes of Tracy and Norris, Carla is the person they have chosen.

I begged her to come and stay at the Pub with me and Steve but she said no, She said she didn't want to intrude on two newly weds and that she also didn't think that being around so much alcohol would be such a good idea.

I kinda have to agree with Carla on that one to be honest…

I know how much she can turn to the drink when she feels really low... You and her have that and _so_ much more in common.

I just wanted her here so I could keep n eye on her y'know but Roy's doing the best he can I suppose.

The fire department are done with Victoria Court and said that people could go in and see what kind of state their flats were in if they wanted, so of course Carla felt the need to go n torture herself some more.

I went with her because I didn't want her to be alone…

Peter... She has absolutely nothing left.

Everything has gone.

She has no clothes, no shoes, no pictures, no nothing.

We were both stood there, in what's left of her flat, just looking at all of the damage and then suddenly she just got so upset.

Upset is an understatement actually... She was almost inconsolable.

Peter I've never seen her like that before, She was crying hysterically, down on her knees, franticly scrambling around on the floor as if she looking for something...

It took me ages to get her to stop crying, I was scared she was having some sort of panic attack or something.

It took me even longer to find out what it was that made her get in such a state.

It was the scan photo…

Your baby's scan photo. She said she'd kept in in this little envelope under her coffee table and now…

Well now it's gone.

I hadn't realised that she had kept hold of it for so long and then I realised that it had been just over a year since it all happened.

I had totally missed the date and I had no idea. I mean I knew something was up with Carla, I just couldn't place what it was and after everything that's gone on I just assumed that it was because of the fire.

Peter I feel like such a shit friend right now.

Carla keeps telling me how worthless she feels and how that she wishes it were her who died… Peter it breaks my heart to hear her say things like that.

I am trying so hard to get through to her, to get her to understand that this was all just a freak accident but she just won't listen to me or Roy.

Which is why I'm calling you I guess.

She needs you Peter, more than you'll ever know. I've tried to help her, support her through this but she just doesn't seem to be getting any better.

Roy said she barley speaks when they're at home, which you and I both know is very unlike our Carla. He said she just mopes around and barley eats anything.

We're both really worried about her.

As I said earlier, I've never seen her like this before and I'm scared...

I wasn't around when Frank... when he…

Well you were there, you know what happened… and you know what she got like.

You know what she did…

I don't know if she's got that bad yet but I'm scared that if she doesn't start to feel better soon that she might do something... that she might hurt herself again.

I really am trying my hardest to be there for her but I just don't think it's good enough Peter.

I know you probably think that she doesn't want you around, that she hates you and that you can't help her but _she_ phoned _you_ Peter, She was the one who reached out to you first and I truly believe that if you were here right now... She'd want to see you.

If you were here she wouldn't be spending her nights in tears.

If you were here she wouldn't feel so alone.

Peter if you were here she would be okay…

I know she would.

I know you're in Portsmouth, I know you probably ave your own things to be worrying about but please if you can... Come and see her Peter.

Come and save her.


	6. I Will Save Her

_"Hiya you've reached Michelle, I can't come to the phone right now so leave a message."_

Hi Michelle, it's Peter.

I'll keep this short shall I…

God, Your message killed me.

I mean it was one thing to hear how low Carla was feeling, y'know straight from the horse's mouth n all, It was painful but I could almost keep up the illusion that she was able to put up some sort of a front, y'know like she would normally do and that no one would be able to tell that anything was wrong but... to hear it from you, to hear that she is no longer fighting it... Michelle this is all so upsetting.

I mean the thought that our Carla, that amazing woman, can't even find it in her to pretend to be strong anymore...

That's a bloody scary thought Michelle.

She really doesn't deserve any of this, any of this hate, this heartache or this loneliness.

The more I hear about it all, the more I hear about how Carla's feeling, the more my heartbreaks for her.

I have called her...

Michelle I have called her so many times, left message after message but she hasn't got back to any of them, I know why…

It's because she thinks that she is interrupting my life but she just doesn't seem to realise that she _is_ my life.

I can't even begin to explain… y'know what l said I'll keep it short, so I will.

Thank you for calling me Michelle, just know that it really sounds like you are doing the very best you can with Carla and you're an amazing friend to her.

You should also know that…

I'll be there soon.

I'm on way.

I will save her.

* * *

 ** _So first let me just say thank you to everyone who read and left reviews. They were very much appreciated and I truly do enjoy reading them._**

 ** _I wanted to try something a little different and at first_** ** _I wasn't even sure that there would be updates_** ** _but I couldn't just leave it with one chapter, especially when Corrie didn't even_** ** _acknowledge_** ** _the anniversary of Carla's mis_** ** _carriage_** ** _!_**

 ** _I mean some of the stuff we have to sit through at the mo with this show (For example that ridiculous Gail and Michael storyline *rolls eyes very dramatically*) and they couldn't even give us one little scene? What were they thinking?_**

 ** _I'm getting rather nervous about Peter's upcoming return to be honest, I have this horrible feeling they aren't going to even give us a Carla & Peter scene tbh._**

 ** _I have been imagining this really cute/heartwarming/heart wrenching scene where Carla comforts Peter and if we don't get at least a little something like that then_** ** _I will probably end up totally boycotting Corrie._**

 _ **Anywho before I get lost on a rant about how downhill the show has gone, I just want to say another thank you to the reviewers and...**_

 _ **There WILL be a sequel to this very soon.**_

 _ **:)**_


End file.
